It has been a while... and a lot has happened.

So when I first started this blog I was truly excited about writing daily or even weekly and getting my thoughts out to the endless world of the internet. But I haven't really written that much. So I am back (well I guess I was never really here that much) but I am here and trying to write again, lets see if it works out this time.

Over the past few months a lot has happened in my life that has made me re-evaluate what is important, who to depend on and where I stand in life. In short, I had some very intense family stuff happen, I got moved from a "we need you" position at work to a "b team" position to layed off and my boyfriend and I took a week break to evaluate our relationship and make sure it is where it should be.

My family has been going through some major life changes since February, without getting into too much detail I had to be the adult and the shoulder to lean on. While I don't mind being the strong point for family members, its hard when you are just as involved as they are in the situation, you have to pull strength from a place that you weren't even sure existed.

During this time my work made some organizational changes, at that time I was moved from the position that i was recently told was a "we will always need" to what they were calling the "JV staff", where we were told we had to petition for projects, essentially may the best man win. I was already so stressed out with the family situation that it was increasingly difficult to deal with the situation at work. Everything made me cry and I was having a hard time holding it together. I did the best I could do but was layed off a month or so later (along with 4 other staff members).

About a week after being layed off, my relationship took a little turn... My boyfriend was having some difficulty dealing with all the craziness I called life and "wasn't sure if we should be together". Talk about the final blow. I packed up and left that day, I was so upset that I could give and give and give so much in the 2 years we have been together and he couldn't even man up to support me in my few months of need. I stayed with my mom for a week, in that week we only conversed via email, somedays seemed like we were moving forward and some felt as if we were moving backward. One week felt like an exhausting month! In the end, I needed more support and appreciation from him and he needed more trust from me. We did work things out and I am now home, but don't want to go through that again.

After going through a week of sitting at my mom's house with nothing to do, I realized that I REALLY need more friends. So I posted a craigslist ad in the strictly platonic (I know, I know) looking for gal pals. And guess what... I found some! I met an amazing new friend, Ashley, who is a blast to be around and just brings light into a room! I also met a new friend, Amber, who I am just getting to know, but she seems like a ton of fun so far and I can't wait for a friendship to develop.

I recieved unemployment and have been looking for jobs daily. Lord knows how many I have applied for! I had 2 great interviews about a week after I got layed off, but neither of them worked out... since then I have had a whole lot of nothing! Just sitting and applying over and over and over.

This all leads up to right now... right now, I am sitting at home, waiting for my BF to get here so we can go do laundry. I had a great interview this afternoon with an awesome start up company and I am hoping to hear good things. I think once I get a job I will finally be in a place where life is settling back into place... while the issues with my family are still going on, the initial shock has much warn off and I think I will be OK. I have new friends, a newly revived relationship with my boyfriend and great potential heading my way...

Until next time...

Jenna Rae

Help For Haiti

This week my work hosted an Italian potluck to support Haiti. We were all incouraged to invite our friends and family to the event and to donate what we could, the owner of the company funded the event (paying for the food, letting us take a long lunch to hang out with the people attending, etc)and also generously matched what was raised. From this small fundraiser put together by our office, we were able to raise over $2,200 with the match from our owner that put us at $4,500! With the final total in, the donation was made to UNICEF.

I am truly honored to work for such an amazing company and humbled to have such awesome co workers. Just think if every company held a small get together with just a small donation jar, you'd be amazed at the results!

This is Halloween

So Halloween has come and gone and I have been lagging on getting this posted! Halloween has to be one of my all time favorite holidays! One of those times you can dress up as an adult and not get looked at funny, and I am happy to say that I have found a man that shares my passion for dressing up like something fun and scary as much as I do!

This year we chose Jack & Sally from Nightmare Before Christmas, we always make our costumes and this one looked simple at the time.

We set off to buy everything we needed and came home spending WAY more then we expected (but that happens to us every year :D ). It took us weeks to make the costume, each time we thought we were close to being done, we remembered something else that we needed to do, we thought it would never end. My boyfriends mom was a huge help as I can't sew (and even if I could, I hate it!) she worked hard on my sally dress to get it done and looking AMAZING.

The end result was awesome, we felt like mini celebrities when we went out to the bars, everyone was taking pictures with us (well mainly Jack, but that is to be expected). Enjoy the pictures!

Bye Bye Blondie

So a few weeks ago I decided it was time for a change, and that my hair is where it would happen. I worked up the courage to call my aunt and say "I think I want to go darker"... her response "You think? You need to know..." So I said "OK, I know!" 1 week later we were at the store buying my new hair color.

As I sat in the chair while she painted my hair with dark red/brown and threw some honey highlights in there, I couldn't help but be nervous! I kept thinking, "what if it doesn't look good? What if I hate it? What if....." It was really too late now.

For those of you that don't know, I have had blonde-platinum blonde hair for as long as I can remember, its always been long staying around the middle of my back, at this point it was passed the middle of my back. So going from platinum blonde to anything darker is a pretty drastic change.

After about an hour and half it was time to rinse, I watched the red/purple water pour down the drain getting more nervous each time I opened my eyes, but there was no turning back now.

She wrapped my hair up in a towel and sent me to the chair, were she cut and cut and cut (what felt like FOREVER), I got up to see what could have been a large hamster on the ground, man that was a lot of hair! So finally I get to see it...... drum roll please.......

I walk into the bathroom, turn on the light and look in the mirror. I am shocked! I think I like it.... but I am still not sure, its now a little passed my shoulder, a deep red/brown and my bangs are definately shorter.

My aunt calls from the other room... "Well, how do you like it?" I hesitate and answer "I think I like it...." she laughs and says "It is a huge change, you'll get used to it".

Now its time to head home, I jump in my car and head to SLO, hoping my boyfriend likes it too. The ride seemed like hours, when really it was about 20 min, I pulled up to see my boyfriends smiling face, I can tell he likes it right away.

So a few weeks have gone by, its lightened up a little and I am in love with it, not sure if I will ever go back blonde.... if you would have asked me 2 months ago if I would die my hair something other than blonde, I probably would have laughed at you!

BEFORE


AFTER


XOXO
Jenna Rae

YAY for Getting in Shape

So I have finally decided to start working on my wieght, I have met with my doctor and we are on a great weight loss plan. So far I have lost about 16lbs and I am very excited! I don't have a scale at home since it gets depressing and I would probably get obsessive with it, so I only know my progress when i visit the doctor (every 6 weeks).

My first trip to the doctor was last week and I thought I had maybe lost 5lbs, I stepped on the scale and BAM, 16lbs gone, that is probably the most motivating thing that could have happened.

I will keep you updated and potentially start posting before/after pics (maybe) lol, I have a long way to go but man was that first step a leep!


XOXO
Jenna Rae

Turning into the one thing I hate most....

Weight.... I have struggled with being overweight for as long as I can remember. But I always made sure to exercise and watch what I eat.... this way when I complained about being overweight I was at least doing something to fix it. I was never the biggest fan of the people that were overweight and weren't doing anything to fix it, and I promised myself I would never get to that point.... but I did. I realized the other day that I have totally become the one thing I loathed most in the world.... that overweight person that doesn't do anything to fix it, but complains about it.

But I have also realized WHY people become that person. Its because you try for so long to lose weight, you watch what you eat, exercise every day, spend money on weight loss pills and diets and then as soon as you take a small break it all comes back.... for as long as I can remember i've gone back and forth between fat and thin... never really thin, but thinner than my fat stages. It's exhausted and disheartening to ALWAYS have to be watching yourself.... making sure you're not eating just because you are upset or bored or happy.... and not being able to eat what you want, when you want it.

Its disheartening to get to your highest weight and try to lose and not see any results, its frustrating when people don't understand and when people treat you differently because of your size. I am still me, just a bigger me....

Its irritating to try on 30 pairs of jeans and have not a single pair fit you correctly, and having to drive 3 hours to even find a store that sells your size.

And still, none of that is motivation enough for me to hit the gym, or eat an apple instead of some chips because I know that that small change won't make enough of an impact on my weight for me to continue doing it.

The hardest thing for me is to get motivated to lose weight, no matter what happens, I can't seem to get motivated.... and I don't know how to fix it.....

I guess I just need to suck it up and deal with it....


XOXO
Jenna Rae

Time to Rant

So, lately I have noticed an abundance of rude people. It amazes me, how our generation and younger just has no respect for one another, people don't think before they speak and definitely don't care who they offend when they speak.

I don't understand how people can go through life, not caring who they offend or why what they say is offensive. People that think they are better then other people, for no apparent reason, and treat other people with disrespect because they feel they can.

Sometimes I hope I die young, because I don't know if I want to stick around for future generations, and see snobbery and rudeness overpower thoughtfulness and kindness. That is not a world I want to live in......


XOXO
Jenna Rae