Weight.... I have struggled with being overweight for as long as I can remember. But I always made sure to exercise and watch what I eat.... this way when I complained about being overweight I was at least doing something to fix it. I was never the biggest fan of the people that were overweight and weren't doing anything to fix it, and I promised myself I would never get to that point.... but I did. I realized the other day that I have totally become the one thing I loathed most in the world.... that overweight person that doesn't do anything to fix it, but complains about it.
But I have also realized WHY people become that person. Its because you try for so long to lose weight, you watch what you eat, exercise every day, spend money on weight loss pills and diets and then as soon as you take a small break it all comes back.... for as long as I can remember i've gone back and forth between fat and thin... never really thin, but thinner than my fat stages. It's exhausted and disheartening to ALWAYS have to be watching yourself.... making sure you're not eating just because you are upset or bored or happy.... and not being able to eat what you want, when you want it.
Its disheartening to get to your highest weight and try to lose and not see any results, its frustrating when people don't understand and when people treat you differently because of your size. I am still me, just a bigger me....
Its irritating to try on 30 pairs of jeans and have not a single pair fit you correctly, and having to drive 3 hours to even find a store that sells your size.
And still, none of that is motivation enough for me to hit the gym, or eat an apple instead of some chips because I know that that small change won't make enough of an impact on my weight for me to continue doing it.
The hardest thing for me is to get motivated to lose weight, no matter what happens, I can't seem to get motivated.... and I don't know how to fix it.....
I guess I just need to suck it up and deal with it....
XOXO
Jenna Rae
